October 22
I can settle into my life without knowing where it will lead.
For much of my life, I carried an old belief that I was a burden. It shaped how I entered spaces and relationships, how much I allowed myself to need, and how quickly I prepared myself to leave.
I know now that belief isn’t true. And still, when I feel vulnerable or uncertain, I can hear its familiar question: Am I allowed to take up space here?
An old belief resurfacing does not make it true again.
Four years ago, almost to the day of writing this message, I unexpectedly lost a home I loved. Only five months later, my daughter moved into Spirit, and life as I knew it changed beyond recognition. Lately I have felt myself bracing, and only afterward realized the timing. The body remembers things the conscious mind may not be keeping track of. I wonder if some part of me has been preparing for the next upheaval ever since. Never entirely unpacking. Never entirely trusting that I can settle.
And what I keep hearing from Spirit is: Settle in.
Settling in does not mean I have to stay forever. I can stop bracing for departure without promising never to leave.
I don’t have to know whether a place, relationship, opportunity, or dream is mine forever in order to receive what it offers me now. I can enjoy the beauty that is here. I can let myself belong to this moment. I can take up space in my own life.
Home is more than the place where I put my belongings.
Home is also the place within myself where I no longer have to brace for being asked to leave. I can settle in here.
Grounding questions:
Where in my life am I bracing for departure before I have actually chosen to leave?
What old belief tends to surface when I feel vulnerable or uncertain?
What would settling in look like for me right now?
Where can I allow myself to take up more space as exactly who I am?
What is here for me to receive and enjoy now, without needing to know how long it will last?
